The Process

Posts are transcribed predominantly from the frontal lobe area of my brain onto feint ruled A4 size paper, using a black “Imperial” Conway Stewart ballpoint pen, sometime between the hours of two and five a.m.The paper is carefully torn from a brown Cartier Refill Pad which originally contained eighty leaves. However, at present only thirty-four feint ruled leaves remain. Each page or leaf has a thin, royal red margin.
Next the finished handwritten script is sent away to be typed up by a dedicated team of criminals and degenerates, while they await execution for the diabolical crime of original thought. A crime, which in many instances they are innocent of.
When the typing process is completed and the post is published on the site “Retard Vegas”, the handwritten copy is shredded using a Hewlett Packard 3300C ShredJet. This data is then separated into the lovely consonants that we all know and love, and the evil vowels which decent society loathes.
First, the horrible vowels are cast haphazardly into the core of a nuclear reactor along with the afters of a gypsy wedding.
Then, the wholesome consonants are carefully inserted into a particle accelerator where they collide at high speeds with other consonants causing them to fuse together, ultimately creating new words. This process is particularly significant as it allows the formation of words without resorting to the use those of backstabbing vowels.
However, the high-speed collisions produced in the particle accelerator can occasionally cause the consonants to become unstuck in time, so to speak.
Unfortunately for everyone, these dissident consonants are usually deposited somewhere between 40 and 200 B.C., where they are used as the literary source for the Bible of St. Paul.
The Author fervently regrets this unfortunate side effect of the Blogging Process and wishes to express his deepest sympathy to anyone who has suffered at the elongated and freakish hands of boredom.