HUMANITY IN SPACE

“2 no, 3 yea I think 3”
“3 ha, you don’t even……”
Alarms interrupt the conversation and the com on the desk beside the men crackles.
“Captain….. Captain”
“Ya, what” says the slightly over weight balding man who had just been conversing with a skinny twitchy individual.
“Sir we have a problem”
…………………….
“Your going to make me ask what the problem is?” says the captain still with his legs strewn over the desk.
“Sorry sir the problem is…”
“Answer my question.”
“What? Am, ah. No sir. I mean yes sir I’m not going to make you ask sir. The problem is…”
“Two years in deep space and they still don’t have a clue.” The captain says to his companion.
The skinny man scratches the skin below his left eye, clears his throat, spits and sits back without responding.
The captain looks at him with slight disgust and then realizes the person on the com is still talking.
“.. and now we don’t know if we ever had one but that’s not the worst of it…”
“What the hell do you mean not the worst of it you moron just fix it and stop brining me this shit.” With that he gets up and walks down the corridor. His skinny companion follows and 200 meters down to corridor they sit at an identical desk and begin there conversation again.
“Ya 3 women is definitely the best number to sleep with at one time” the captain continues, “with 2 you always feel you could do more and with 4 you can never walk the da…….”
His gaze is drawn to the window and the port engine which can be seen through it. He tilts his head slightly as he watches the engine lean to its left, a crack appears in it and it floats off into space.
“Uha idiots. 4000 crew and they can’t even stop the engine from falling off.”
He presses the intercom on this desk.
“Hey what the hell is going on”?
The same voice crackles on the inter com.
“Sir we have a problem”
“Oh no not you, Isn’t there anyone more senior then you on the bridge?”
“What bridge?”
Silence.
“What bridge” repeats the captain bareley controlling his temper, “The God damn bridge you are calling me from. You idiot.”
“Oh sorry Sir. No sir I’m all alone”
“Well what’s happening what is engineering saying?”
“Ah as I said earlier we don’t seem to have an engineer on board and we don’t know if we ever had one.”
“What?”
“The only person I could get through to on the intercom was a journalist who had gotten lost in engineering the day we launched and can’t find his way out.”
“I seem to remember you saying there was worse news? I’m hoping you meant the engine was about to fall off.”
“No Sir we’re heading for a black hole.”
“Ok don’t panic” said the captain with a definite look of panic in his eyes, “Abandon ship. Everyone to the escape pods.”
“But yo..”
“But nothing, I’m out of here if you want to stay fine.”
“No sir, don’t you remember you ejected the escape pods a month ago because people had been using them as toilets.”
“Shit.” Is all the captain can say as he stares into the space he has been floating in for the last 2 years and thinks ‘What the fuck are we doing up here.’
His skinny companion clears his throat once more and spits on the window.
An alien ship monitoring them sends a one word message before leaving the sector.
“DICKHEADS”