"Con Test Or Man Test"

This is a genuine test of MANhood and is accurate to 99.9% MAN.

# 1

What would you rather be?

(A) A woMAN.
(B) I don't know.
(C) A legend.

# 2

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it..."

(A) "...make a sound?"
(B) I don't know.
(C) "...mean that a deaf MAN head butted it."

# 3

You're at a friend’s house and they offer you a banana. What do you say?

(A) "Oh lovely, a banana. I'll gobble that right down."
(B) I don't know.
(C) "Get that banana out of my face or I'll cut it off at the balls."

# 4

Fight Club. Discuss.

(A) "What appears to be a film about MEN touching each other is actually a film about a MAN touching himself."
(B) I don't know.
(C) "His name is Robert Paulson."

# 5

Do you worship God or Satan?

(A) God.
(B) I don't know.
(C) Whichever is the one I see in the mirror.

# 6

Which of the following is the closet to your life motto?

(A) "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you."
(B) "I don't know."
(C) "Arbeit macht frei."

# 7

Complete the sentence: "Fight fire with..."

(A) "...fire."
(B) I don't know.
(C) "...water."

# 8

"Stupid is as..."

(A) "...stupid does."
(B) I don't know.
(C) "...woMAN does."

# 9

You are perforMing AN intiMAte coNcert of earthy folk tunes detailing the lives of coal Miners ANd railway barons when Music from A Nearby teenwhore gig interrupts. Your reaction.

(A) "Those Sugababes sure have sass."
(B) I don't know.
(C) "That shitfull music is disrupting my storytelling."


# 10

"When life throws you lemons..."

(A) "...make lemonade."
(B) I don't know.
(C) "...catch them."



Mostly A: Nice tits, bitch.

Mostly B: Indecision is a signpost that a woMAN driver has crashed into killing all her male passengers whilst rendering her deformed and thus unusable to reMAiNing MEN.

Mostly C: A real MAN doesn't need a test to prove it. A real MAN knows it. He feels it every time he looks at a woMAN, every time he arm-wrestles a punk into submission, every time he wraps a shiv. Every cell in his body vibrates every moment of every day with the power of MAN. A real MAN wouldn't have read this far. Better get the tampons in.