A happy go lucky medical goods factory somewhere in the mid-west. The cast of regulars includes, Loosey Lui, Burn Face Michelle Yeoh, The Red Hand, Hong Kong Rita, Blowfish Biglips, Meloveyoulongtime and Rick Rickshaw.
Dan speaks with favourite local and mega legend, The Mighty Shoe. We join them mid-conversation.
The Mighty Shoe (Speaking with Asian twanged accent.)
"So out of your group, who do you think is nicest?"
Dan (Confused by the question.)
"Uh... I don't know."
The Mighty Shoe (Laughing.)
"I thought, that you were going to say, that you were the nicest."
Dan
"Nah, I'm too modest."
The Mighty Shoe
"...You are the oddest?"
Dan
"Modest?"
The Mighty Shoe
"...Oddest?"
Dan
"Mod-est"
The Mighty Shoe
"Odd-est."
Dan
"Actually, I'm am the nicest."
The Mighty Shoe
"Oh, okay."
All sorts of awkward silences fall on the pair.
The Mighty Shoe
"So, what did you guys do at the weekend?"
Dan
"Took a drive out to the zoo. It was great. We saw a rare ape."
The Mighty Shoe (Genuinely shocked.)
"Oh my God, that is terrible.
Dan
...?
The Mighty Shoe
"Did you call the police?"
Dan
"Uh...no, we just watched for a while and I took some pictures."
The Might Shoe
..?!
Dan
"Uh...I don't know what I just did there but I want you to know The Mighty Shoe, that I think you're great."
Hong Kong Rita
"I think you great too Dan; great on my nerves."
Dan (Throwing it down.)
"You want some of this shit Rita?."
End scene.
16 comments:
A percentage of this conversation actually happened.
The rape bit, or the modest bit. I'm guessing the modest bit. Who uses the phrase "rare ape"?
I'm secretly hoping it's the throwing down bit though.
I saw an episode of CSI: Miami, that featured Horatio casually facing down a tsunami and an exploding 20 story hotel. Plus it was implied that he was going to get his junk waxed. I felt like I had been rare aped.
Fuck sake Dan, disgrace yourself on your own time. The company is not paying you to be voted most oddest or modest person. I warn you we really are thinking of leaving you in America.
Did you really go to the zoo?
Kelly, we went to town in the zoo. It was good and all but it wasn't that much better than the likes of Dublin. They have an Imax theatre though, which will be showing superman returns...in about two months. Fuckers.
Are you going to get to see anything good in the Imax before you get back?
I said 'Good'.
V for Vendentta is the film currently showing. We haven't gone to see it. Poseidon, the crap boat upside down shit-fest will be on a few days before we go. Not going to see that either. Saw a mega underwater doc. in the imax in the science museum. Also saw a film about the Mars rover in the 3D cinema. Shocking shit.
Went to see United 93 last night. The 911 terrorites versus man america film. It was tasteful and effective. It gets the coveted "Dan's Recommendation." Just for perspective, here are two words: Undercover Brother.
The mission begins next week and according to JoBlo, Supes will be making an appearance.
"Dans Recomendation" thats the kiss of death for any film. I would rather set myself on fire that see united 93. I seem to remember hearing that gosford park got Dan's Recommendation.
I was talking to Paul about Narouto appearently there is almost 100 more epesodes and then if finishes but they are now making Narouto 10 years on which sound either kick ass or overkill.
Gosford Park wasn't the fault of Dan. It was lump who said that it was a "sexy romp through my pants."
Gosford Park received the Seal of Dan. The boys, trusting in Dan, went to see it, and were burned.
Lesson learned: Fuck Gosford Park.
The Seal of Dan, or S.O.D is not endorsed by Dan.
Well the Seal of Dan was accomanied by the immortal words, burned indellibly into my mind:
"This is Dan Meehan. Gosford Park is brilliant. Everyone should go and see it. This is real"
As you know I have an exam coming up so obviously I have been playing a lot of Oblivion. I seem to be at an unusual part of the game. After a particularly long mission involving in equal measures beating the shit out of and running away from a large group of particularly fierce imps I returned to the closest city to sell my looted goods. I walked into the city and expected to be greeted with the usual “You smell like Death” however one of the male guards turned to me and said “Look at the muscles on you”. This has now been echoed by every third person, it’s a little off putting when you are trying to walk through the imperial city and people keep saying it to me.
I got my lipstick on tonight.
Dear Ireland:
I'd like to personally apologize for all the shit films we send your way. That, and the whole middle east thing. We blew it.
Yours,
America
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