“Captains log, star date 25.25.02. We are receiving reports of unidentified…”
“He’s doing it again!”
“Just ignore him.”
“If he doesn’t shut up I’m going to have to beat him senseless. Why is he talking to that lump of plastic anyway?”
“I think it is supposed to be a log.” he said looking at the short, fat, balding, old man standing in the corner of the room.
“That makes about as much sense as cement flavored ice-cream.”
“Don’t start that again. I told you I get confused when good looking women talk to me. Now just drop it.”
“You don’t seem confused when you’re talking to me?”
“I said good looking women.” He muttered under his breath.
She stopped and turned towards him. “What did you say?” she said with murder in her eyes.
“hahum, nothing I was just thinking that lump of plastic is the closest thing to a log on this hunk of junk.” He said quickly changing the subject.
“What do you mean there is a whole hydroponics bay full of tree’s. Not that it would make any more sense but he could have at least looked there.”
“Well actually that’s where he got the lump of plastic. You see the hydroponics bay was supposed to provide extra oxygen for the ship but during construction some bright spark figured out that plastic trees cost half the price of real tree’s and made a tidy profit for himself.”
“This is some amount of Bullshit. I thought this was supposed to be the most expensive ship ever built?”
“Ya well you can pay a man a million quid for a piece of shit. Now that piece of shit is the most expensive piece of shit ever. Doesn’t mean it’s anything more than a piece of shit though does it?”
She nodded and sighed, “What’s for Dinner?”
“Two plastic Carrots and a can of spam, same as yesterday.”
“Nice one,” she said reaching for the pot.
“Captains log supplemental, I fear there may be cling ons……”
The woman walks calmly over to the old man and begins beating him with the pot. As he turns his attention from the sigh of his female companion beating the life out of a crazy, short, fat, balding, old man, he stares into the space he has been floating in for the last 2 years and thinks ‘What the fuck are we doing up here.’
7 comments:
The banner is hilarious. A pox on you.
Ya once I saw it I knew it had to be our new banner. And I finally got it into the center of the screen.
Young Michael was fond of burgers bigger than your face, before he was taken from us by the educational system!
Outstanding, kelly is clearly the new Cecilia Ahern of 2006, avid chicklit readers around the world eagerly await his next outing, book launch outing that is.
Thanks I’m actually touring Ireland at the moment signing printed copies of the post. Watch out for me at your local Maxol or Statoil.
That banner picture is horrifying.
He could feed the namibian navy all on his own.
Fly him out there and drop him form a plane.
Not too close to civilised areas though...
Its been tried. He ate two planes before we had to call the plan off.
Great stuff Kelly.
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